With the July 4th holiday almost upon us, what better time than now to discuss sparks, fireworks, and dating? As you can imagine, being the renowned dating advice expert that I am, people are constantly approaching me on the streets to ask for my autograph. And lately, I have noticed that while I am in the midst of signing all the t-shirts, autograph books, and posters, the one question that I repeatedly get asked is, “Dean, if I don’t feel the sparks for someone on our first date, should I go out with them a second time?”
Lots of dating advice experts would say that even if you don’t feel the chemistry after your first date with someone that you should still go out with him a second time, and possibly even a third. This is because many experts believe that finding love is something that you have to work at. As the expression goes: if at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Some experts will even insist that the sparks are merely signs of infatuation, which are feelings based solely on “chemistry” rather than on really getting to know another person.
While I may have not have earned my Ph.D. in Love and Relationships from a top ranked university, I have gone on enough dates in my lifetime to know that if the sparks and fireworks aren’t there on date number one, they’re most certainly not going to be there on date number two (or three) either. This is simply because you need to feel an attraction to your partner.
If you find that on your first encounter with someone you’re throwing up in your mouth a little, this is never a good sign. Take it from me; that sickness that you are experiencing is not because you swallowed a bad piece of fish earlier in the day. It’s most likely because you simply aren’t attracted to your date. He’s probably ugly, boring, and doesn’t speak with a sexy English accent. So the question that you need to be asking yourself in this situation is, that if your date isn’t all that and a bag of chips, what makes you think that any of this is going to change in time for your next encounter with him? It’s not like your date is going to suddenly get adopted by a set of English parents and develop a sexy accent just in time for your second date. Life just doesn’t happen that way.
I believe that in order to be in a loving and romantic relationship with someone, the sparks and fireworks need to be present from the second that you first meet. For those of you who don’t know what I am talking about, the sparks and the fireworks is this nearly inexplicable feeling that’s exciting, breathtaking, mind-blowing, and spectacular all at the same time. It’s a feeling that when you experience it, you just know that it’s there. It’s a strong sensation that makes you want to get to know a person better. And it should never, ever be mistaken for food poisoning.
But, if for whatever reason you are still uncertain about your feelings for your date, go in for a kiss. A kiss can be very telling. If there is deep connection, I promise you that you’ll instantly see fireworks.
So on this July 4th, my one wish for all of my readers out there is to experience that boom, boom, boom that’s even brighter than the moon, moon, moon. Because it’s a thrill that everyone should get to experience…at least once in their lifetime.