Single girls are constantly stopping me in the streets to ask me, “Hey, Dean! Where is the best place to meet a guy?” Apparently it’s the one question that every single girl is dying to know the answer to. So here is my advice to all of you single girls out there who are looking to find your mate.
A lot of people think that the best place to meet a guy is at a bar. This is actually the furthest thing from the truth. Meeting a man at a bar has the potential for being disastrous! For starters, a bar is the one place where people generally go to get drunk. And keep in mind, you never want your first encounter with your future husband to be while you are both wasted. Just think, if this actually happened, 10 years from now you and your husband will be forced to lie to your hypothetical children and tell them that you really met at some cute café with nice linens on the tables instead of at a bar. And lying to your non-existent children is never a good thing. Bear in mind, it’s also very difficult to have any sort of meaningful conversation while at a bar.
So now that you know where not to go to meet a guy, allow me to tell you the best places to go to meet a man.
Dean’s Top 5 List of the Best Places to Meet a Man
1. A Courthouse. Most people hate when they get summoned to report in for jury duty. But not me. I look at this as the perfect opportunity to meet my future husband. For starters, there are always lawyers present in a courthouse and we all know that dating a lawyer has some huge perks. Lawyers not only make really good money but they are also known to look amazing in suits and shirts with cufflinks. Be sure that before you go to court, you are looking your absolute best!
Note: there also tend to be quite a few criminals in a courthouse. Try to avoid any and all contact with the criminals (even if they whistle at you while you are walking down the hallway). Dean strongly advises against dating a criminal.
2. On a Bus or Subway. Really any mode of public transportation is a great way to meet a guy. If you see someone who you find attractive, first remember to look at his ring finger and make sure that it’s bare. Once confirmed that he is not married, make it your business to stand or sit next to him. If on a bus, I recommend performing “the seat slide”. The seat slide is a move that I invented that involves “sliding into” the man seated next to you. It’s a great way to initiate skin-on-skin contact without seeming too kinky. When on a subway, I recommend the “pole slide”. The pole slide is fairly similar to the seat slide but involves sliding down the subway pole. As you make your way down the pole, gently bump into your target before landing conveniently at his feet. In my experience, I find that men thoroughly enjoy the pole slide. I think it’s because they associate this move with pole dancing…
3. An Apple Store. I try to bring my MacBook into the Apple Store at least once a month. Between the Genius Bar employees and the number of men who bring in their Apple products in to get repaired, the Apple Store is a great venue for meeting a man. Last week, I pretended to be a Genius Bar worker and asked the good-looking man seated next to me how I could assist him. After he confessed to me the problem with his computer, I attempted to fix it for him by hitting Ctrl-Alt-Del. Now let’s be honest here, Dean has no idea how to fix a computer. But when it comes to striking up a conversation with a guy, she clearly knows what she’s doing!
Note: Never advise someone at an Apple store to hit Ctrl-Alt-Del on his computer. Apparently, this feature does not work on Apple products…who knew?
4. A gym. A gym is a great place to meet a guy because it’s the one place where girls are dressed in tight-fitting spandex outfits that show off all of their curves and guys are dressed in shorts that flaunt their muscular legs. When approaching a man in a gym, I like to play dumb and pretend that I’ve never been in a gym before. Asking questions like, “what is a treadmill?” and “will this machine make my butt look skinny?” is a great way to initiate a conversation with a guy in a gym. Playing dumb works especially well in a gym environment because it allows for a man to demonstrate how to use the fitness equipment while you are checking out his equipment.
5. A Mattress Store. Choosing the right mattress can sometimes be a daunting task. But, a sure way to make this process more pleasurable is with the help of a man. Let’s face it. A mattress store is a great way to meet a man because everyone at some point (i.e. doctors, pirates, actors, milkmen, and mailmen) needs a mattress. And we all know that the only way to find a good mattress is to test out a bunch of them. So, my recommendation is to go into a mattress store and start testing away! If you see a guy in the store who peaks your interest, get into bed with him! It’s not only a fantastic way to start a conversation with a man, but it’s also a great way to test your new bed with a man in it! And if you’re really feeling frisky, you can always ask your new mattress partner to spoon you.
Note: Never volunteer to be the big spoon while mattress testing with a stranger. This gesture could give off the wrong impression to your future husband. You always want the man to feel like he’s the man in the relationship. Making him be the little spoon could be emasculating to him.
So to all my single female readers out there, stop going into bars to meet your future husband. I promise you. He’s not there. Your future husband is on some mattress somewhere just waiting for you to spoon with him.