Since girls everywhere are going on first dates, I figured that I should share some useful dating tips on how to score the man of your dreams.  I truly believe that if any girl follows my 7 simple dating rules, they will have no problem in getting themselves a boyfriend; perhaps one that might even stick around for the long haul.

I am sure that many girls are reading this post and thinking to themselves, “why on Earth should I take dating advice from someone who can’t even score herself a boyfriend”?  This is a valid question, of course.  And I fully understand this concern.  But keep in mind, with each failed attempt that I’ve had at trying to score myself a boyfriend, I have taken with me lots of valuable lessons.  And along the way, I have developed some crucial dating rules that are an absolute must.  Because after all, even if I don’t have a boyfriend, I do have dating standards…as we all should, really.

So, be sure to pay close attention to the rules below (and maybe print them out on a 4×6 index card so that you can study them before your next first date).

DEAN’S DATING DO’s & DON’TS:

1. FACEBOOK STALK
   This is a VERY important first step in dating.  Find out everything and anything you possibly can about the boy you are about to go out on a date with.
   Some signs to look for:
   If he has a pet rabbit, he’s probably weird.
   If he is only friends with girls, he’s obviously a player.
   If he poses in a few photos with his mother, this is a great sign that he will be a good boyfriend.
   If he’s friends with your ex-boyfriend and your ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend, just keep in mind that they will all need to get invited to your wedding someday…and that can be awkward for everyone involved.
2. READ THE PAPER
   Make sure that you read the paper the day or night before you go out on your first date with the boy.  It’s very important to know about a current event so that you both have something to talk about if the conversation ever goes dry.  Hopefully the boy will have read the paper too because you want a boy who a) knows how to read and b) a boy who knows about what’s going on in the world (even if you don’t).
3. LOOK NATURAL
   More often than not, girls get too dolled up for first dates.  You want to look your best without making it seem like you put too much effort into it.
4. DON’T KISS ON THE FIRST DATE
   We never want a boy to think that we are sort of floozy.  That would be bad.  Really bad.  Besides, the longer you hold out on kissing him, the more exciting it will be for both of you when that moment finally does arrive.  He’ll be so into you at that point that he won’t even know how to contain himself.
5. ACCIDENTLY TOUCH HIM
   Since you are not allowed to kiss the boy on the first date, you absolutely need to make sure that he knows that you are interested in him (if you are).  Accidental touching is key if you want to get yourself a second date with this boy.  Maybe you can “accidently” spill some salt on his pants and then wipe it off?  Or perhaps if you are sitting next to him in the car, “accidently” slide into him.  (I particularly love the “accidental slide” on the bus and do it quite often myself.  This move makes me feel really skinny too.  Like, “Oh, look at me! I’m as light as a feather and can’t even stay in my own seat when the bus is in motion!  Skinny ole’ me!”)
   Note: After the “accidental touch”, you should have a good sense whether there is some sort of connection between the two of you at this point.  If you are getting a good vibe, don’t be afraid to expand the date into something longer.  Walks on the beach are always good…unless of course it’s the middle of winter and there’s snow on the ground.  In this case, you don’t want to be outside any longer than you have to.  Maybe just get a hot chocolate at some cute cafe instead.  You can play this part of the date by ear. 
6. PRETEND THAT YOU LIKE TO COOK
   Boys like girls who can cook for them.  So, make sure you talk about how often you cook and how much you really enjoy cooking…especially for other people.  We all know that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.
   Note: This is a really tough step for me since I eat cereal for dinner every night and have not actually cooked a real meal in my own kitchen before.  I like to tell boys that I love to cook but unfortunately haven’t been cooking as much lately because I don’t have anyone to cook for.  Seriously, if you have to lie to keep the boy, then do so!  A little white lie has never hurt anyone before…until he actually needs to try your cooking.
7.  SCHEDULE THE NEXT MEETING
   This is absolutely crucial!  How many times do us girls wonder why a boy didn’t call us after the first date?  This is often the case because the boy himself is wondering why the girl didn’t like him.  If you schedule the next meeting while you are on the first date, you’ll alleviate all of the miscommunication that is otherwise bound to happen.
   Note: When I like a boy on the first date, I usually ask him when and where he thinks we should get get married.  This has never actually worked in my favor before.  But, as you can see, it is an attempt to nail down that future date.  And, nailing down that second date is a MUST if you ever want to see him again.

I realize that there is a lot of information here absorb.  But I also know that if you follow these 7 somewhat simple rules, you can score yourself a boyfriend in no time.

So…here’s to getting yourself that boyfriend you’ve always dreamt about!  Good luck!