I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now. It’s everywhere! Jessica Simpson got engaged this weekend to former football pro, Eric Johnson. And, par for the course, I got dumped…twice…via text message.
I am still having a hard time believing that I’ve actually been dumped by two different boys over text message. I mean, what is wrong with boys today? Are they not capable of breaking girls hearts in person anymore? The first guy who broke up with me, NMB, was never officially my boyfriend. So, I don’t think that technically he’s even allowed to break up with me. (Note: NMB is not this boy’s actual name but rather a name that I have carefully selected for him to help conceal his true identity. It obviously stands for “Not My Boyfriend”) NMB and I had only gone out on two dates together prior to him ending our “relationship”. And even though I never considered NMB to be my boyfriend, he still felt compelled to let me know that our relationship was over for good. He texted that he wasn’t sure if we were a match and finished his statement with the ever-so-popular dumping line, “I hope we can still be friends”. I mean, really, since when in the dating world has two dates ever constituted being more than just friends?
The second guy who dumped me was at least someone who I had been involved in a real relationship with. I’ll refer to this boy as Hubby. (Note, Hubby is not this boy’s actual name but rather a name I am convinced his wife probably refers to him as.) Hubby had been separated from his wife for several months before he and I started dating. And much like any girl in my shoes, I was very concerned about starting a relationship with an already married man. We talked often and openly about his not-so-ideal marital situation and he assured me on a number of occasions that his relationship with his wife was most definitely over for good. So apparently when a boy tells you that his relationship with his wife is over, in boy language this really means, it’s over for the time being. You see, he didn’t actually specify that part to me…
Hubby used the break up line , “I need to figure out my relationship with my wife before I get involved in another relationship”. I completely understand that the relationship with is wife is a first priority for him but couldn’t Hubby at least used this line on me before he and I entered into a two-month relationship together? And seriously, I kind of feel like this message would have been much better received in person than over text. Am I wrong here? All I can say is that at least Hubby didn’t use the “can we still be friends line” like NMB did. I mean how awkward would that be with me, Hubby, and his wife all sitting around the dinner table together someday being “friends”?
So, there we have it. In the week that Jessica Simpson gets engaged to be married, I get dumped to be single…yet again. I know that I shouldn’t exactly be comparing myself to Jessica Simpson. After all, the only thing we share in common is our highlighted blonde hair. But still, I can’t help but question why in this game called life, when one person finds happiness another person must find sorrow? And furthermore, why is it that I’m the one who has to find that sorrow? Jessica had only been dating this guy for 6 months, for God’s sake! How is it even possible that she got him to propose to her so soon?!?! It’s so not fair. She of all people already had her chance at love when she married Nick Lachey. And he was one of those especially good husbands too. Nick was hot and funny, and did all of that amazing husband type stuff around the house that we all want men to do for us. And Jessica let him go! So why is it that Jess is in her second round of hot men, and I keep getting dumped by mine?
Seriously. Isn’t it time already for Dean to find love? I feel like I am getting way too old for this dating, and text dumping, and dating again thing. After all, As Jessica Simpson once said herself, “Thirty-four is old. It’s almost 35, which is like almost mid-30s”.