You’ve probably been wondering where I’ve been hiding for the past few weeks. I most certainly have not been writing as much as I normally do. Knowing you, you probably were worried sick that I had disappeared for good and would no longer be around to offer you life advice on your everyday experiences. The thing is, is that I’ve been traveling a lot; traveling to various cities around the United States trying to decide where I should make my next move. And it’s one TOUGH decision…
My days in San Francisco are slowly coming to an end. While traveling, it suddenly became clear to me that if I stay in San Francisco, I will never get that washing machine/dryer combo that I have always dreamt of having. I will never have a garaged parking spot for my car. I will never be able to purchase a home. But most importantly, I realized recently, that if I stay in San Francisco, I will never find that cornfed husband that I so desperately want to meet. (As everyone knows, the cornfed boy does not exist in San Francisco.)
In the past month I have visited both Chicago (land of the cornfeds) and New York City (the city of big apples). After visiting both places, I just can’t decide which city is ultimately a better place for me to move to.
I mean Chicago…it was AMAZING. Everywhere I looked, there were cornfed boys. They were sprouting up in cornfields that I never even knew existed before! Every restaurant I went to, every bar I walked into, there were these handsome, mid-western, cornfed boys, all just hanging out with each other in large herds. It was truly a beautiful sight.
For the first time in a long time, I felt like there were actually boys to choose from in Chicago (as opposed to the slim pickings that are in San Francisco). And these boys took me out on dates in Chicago. Like nice dates! The kind of dates where they paid for my meal, held the door open for me, walked me home, and even called (not texted) the very next day. I had never experienced anything like this before in my life. A few days after I left the land of the cornfeds, I decided once and for all to take the plunge and move to Chicago. I even started putting together a plan to make this move a reality…
But while I was in the midst of planning my big move to the land of the cornfeds, Mixie, I headed to NYC for an already arranged bachelorette party. I hadn’t ever planned on liking NYC or ever even considered it as a place to move to before. I mean I know that NYC has great cheesecake and amazing bagels. Albeit these are both good reasons, are they as compelling as the corn that awaits me in another state? I am not sure?
So NYC might not have the corn that I am looking for, but it does have a lot of other things that could be good for my soul. First of all, I know a lot of people in NYC. Sure, none of these people grew up on farms, or even walked through a corn maze before. But still, at the end of the day, I have existing, strong relationships with these people. And they are good relationships too…even if they are New Yorkers.
Many people have also told me that there are a lot of rich men who live in NYC. Supposedly, it’s considered to be the land of the wealthy people. With all of those suit-wearing, Wall Street-type bankers, I guess it makes sense. (I also know about rich people living in NYC from watching the Real Housewives of NYC. There’s no Real Housewives of Chicago season being aired on Bravo these days. Perhaps rich people just don’t exist in Chicago?) So, if it’s a wealthy husband that I am seeking, because I would like to find a man who can support me and my lavish lifestyle, I can’t help but wonder, would NYC be the better place to move to?
Lastly, and probably most importantly, there are Tasti D-Lites all over NYC. And, I do LOVE my ice cream! Living in NYC would allow me to eat ice cream everyday of the week without feeling any bit of guilt. Ice cream is the one possible food group that could potentially trump corn.
So, as you can see, I have an impossible decision to make. Do I move to Chicago to meet the cornfed husband I’ve been dreaming about for years? Or do I move to NYC and be fully content in my relationship with low-calorie ice cream?
Someone out there. Please, tell me what to do.
Corn Pops or Apple Jacks?