According to a blog post titled Here Comes Breakup Season by Edith Zimmerman, co-author of The Hairpin (a general interest blog), the breakup season is upon us. Zimmerman reports, “Designer/writer David McCandless combed through 10,000 Facebook status updates looking for breakup trends, then packaged the data into this tidy green graph.” And according to this graph, two weeks before Christmas is the most popular time of year for breaking up.
So this means, starting this Saturday, girls everywhere are going to become single! And this of course got me to thinking: If girls who have been in relationships for a long time are suddenly becoming single, now more than ever, they must be searching for new and innovative ways to meet boys, right? Here are some useful tips that I have come up with on how to snatch up a new boyfriend, particularly during the holiday season.
- At an ugly sweater party, a party where everyone is required to wear a hideous holiday sweater, break the rules and dress up in a sexy Santa costume instead. This way, you’ll be the only “fashionably dressed” girl at the party; leaving all of the cute boys no choice but to notice you…in a good way. Note: no girl ever looks cute in an ugly sweater. It’s a sure way to beat out your competition.
- Carry around a mistletoe with you at all times. This way, when you spot a cute boy who you want to have become your next boyfriend, he’s left with no choice but to make-out with you…or at least kiss you.
- Walk into a Starbucks where you see a hot boy sitting by himself and order yourself an Egg Nog Latte. Then sit down next to the boy and proceed to tell him that you’ve been very naughty. When he asks why, tell him that you ordered the most unhealthy drink on the menu. This is a great way to initiate a conversation with a boy. Next thing you know, he’ll be asking you on a date and perhaps even offering to buy you your next latte.
- At a White Elephant Party where cute boys are on the guest list, wrap a holiday card that says, “A Coffee Date with You”. Take my word that any boy would much rather have a date with you than some stupid gag gift that most people bring to this type of party. Next thing you know, all of the boys at the party will be fighting each other over the chance to have a date with you.
- At your next Holiday Cookie Swap party where cute boys have been invited, bring a batch of homemade Fortune Cookies. Create holiday appropriate fortunes with cute little notes that say “You will have a happy and healthy holiday season” or “You will look amazing this year in your holiday sweater”. Be sure to also prepare a separate batch of fortune cookies for all of the cute boys at the party. The separate batch should have more flirtatious fortunes such as, “I’d like to Jingle Your Bells” or “You will be invited over to my apartment next week to watch Love Actually with me”. Next thing you know, you’ll be having very good fortune in finding love this holiday season.
So even though the holiday season can bring with it lots of breakups and sorrow, it can also be a great time to bring a new love into your life. If you’re finding yourself newly single this holiday season, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start taking action. You’ll see. Next thing you know, you and your hot new boyfriend will be kissing each other at the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve. And this, my friends, brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Ho, Ho, Ho”.