When you are single, and an active player in the dating world, people are constantly advising you of what you should never do or say on a first date.  And, it’s very important to stick to these rules because when the rules are broken, supposedly there is no chance in ever finding love.  According to these “first date rules”, you are never allowed to talk about your past relationships or ask how much money your date makes at his job.  You are not supposed to ask what kind of car he drives or if he is dating other girls.  Most importantly, on a first date, no matter what, you are NEVER allowed to admit to your date that you are looking to get into a serious relationship and hope to have lots and lots of babies with him sometime in the near future.  Supposedly, all of these things are unacceptable first date conversations.  Any and all of these topics will most definitely cause the boy to feel nervous and leave him with a strong urge to get up and walk away.  I’ve been warned that especially if you want your first date to pay for your dinner and/or drinks, it is recommended to strictly adhere to the “first date rules”.

With the last boy I dated, I decided to perform a test and break each and every single one of the “first date rules”.  I figured that since playing by the rules has never worked for me in the past, I might as well attempt to break all of the rules just to see what would happen.  After all, the way I looked it, I had nothing to lose and only everything to gain if this plan actually worked in my favor.

A few months ago when my friend invited me to join her and her brother for drinks at a local Marina bar, I happily accepted her invitation.  I had never met my friend’s brother before and had zero expectations on how the night would end up.  When I walked into the bar, I was pleasantly taken aback by her brother’s good looks.  Right off the bat I could see that there was promising potential with this guy.  I quickly ran the checklist in my head.  Was he tall?  Yes.  Was he good-looking?  Yes.  Did he have teeth?  Yes.  And this was really all the confirmation I needed to know that this boy was definitely worth pursuing as a potential future husband for me.

When my friend got up from the table to order herself another drink from the bar, I was left alone seated at the table with her brother.  Having this moment alone with him, I knew immediately that I had to seize the opportunity and drill him with all sorts of defining questions.  His answers to these questions would determine once and for all if this boy could truly become my potential future husband.  I started out with the standard (a.k.a. acceptable) first date questions:  Where he worked.  What he did.  Where he lived.  And after answering these questions in the exact way that I had hoped he would, I then moved on to the more important first date questions.  Did he own or rent?  Did he like dogs?  Dark or milk chocolate?  Annie’s or Kraft Macaroni and Cheese?  And does he own a washing machine and dryer?

Much to my surprise, my future husband answered all of my questions with a perfect score.  I could see that on paper this guy was perfect.  He was tall, single, employed, owned a place in San Francisco, liked dogs, milk chocolate, and Kraft Macaroni and Cheese.   And to top it off, he had his own washing machine and dryer in his unit.  When I heard that he had a washing machine and dryer, I realized right then and there that my friend’s brother was better than perfect.  He was a keeper and I needed to seal the deal with this guy and make him my husband.

So, when he told me that he had a garaged parking spot and no car to park in it, I did what any other girl in my shoes would do.  I asked him to marry me.  Right then and there, at the bar.  Upon hearing those magical words, I knew that I needed to act fast because I didn’t want to let this catch get away!   I mean who in San Francisco owns a garaged parking spot and doesn’t have a car?  It’s unheard of!

For whatever reason, the brother didn’t run away when I proposed to him.  He oddly went along with it and agreed to be my husband.  So there you have it, within the first 10 minutes of meeting my friend’s brother, I was happily engaged…in a bar…to a guy with a washing machine and dryer and a garaged parking spot.  I had broken all of the “first date rules” and it very much seemed to be working in my favor.

That evening, I continued on my quest to break all of the “first date rules” with my new husband.  I talked about how excited I was to get a dog with him.  (We decided on a black lab because just like me, my new husband also had a preference for bigger dogs.)  We talked about having family dinners every Sunday night.  We talked about how many kids we wanted.  We discussed where we would vacation, whose family we would spend which holidays with, and what kind of laundry detergent we both liked.  (I was so excited to learn that night that his laundry detergent of choice was the exact same as mine, Tide Clean Breeze.)  That night, I had broken every single “first date rule” and had somehow still managed to get myself a husband.

I continued to date my friend’s brother for about a month after we became “engaged”.  Throughout our short-lived relationship, we referred to each other as “fiance” or “husband” or “wife”.   And we both seemed really into the relationship at first.  But after a few weeks, it became somewhat confusing for both of us.  Neither of us could tell if the other one was being serious or not about being married…or even about dating.  I mean we both knew we weren’t married but really the only thing we ever talked about with each other was our happy marriage.

Soon after we were “married”, we went through a nasty divorce.  And by “nasty” I mean we eventually just stopped talking.  Luckily no attorneys were needed to assist in the settlement.  But I think this was simply because the monogrammed towels that we would have fought over never really existed in the first place.  Nor did our black lab.  Or our family dinners.

So there you have it.  You can play by all of the rules and never find love.  Or, you can break all the rules on a first date and potentially get yourself a “husband”.  I say go for breaking all the rules.  This way, on a first date, you can at least find out everything you’ll ever want to know about your future husband.  And maybe, just maybe, if you both like what you see, he’ll put a ring on it.  So, my advice to you girls, as you venture into this world of dating, break all of them “first date rules”, and do everything you can to get yourself that diamond.  And if it doesn’t work out after you get married, at least you still got your diamond.  BLING!