Every relationship that I have ever been in with a guy has failed. And I could never really figure out what the problem was. Is it that I am a disaster in the kitchen? Is it that I can easily get drunk off of a single glass of wine? Is it that I am bad at answering trivia questions? Or is it simply due to poor lighting in my apartment? I could never really figure out what the problem was…until now.
It turns out that the reason my relationships with men don’t last has nothing to do with any of my concerns from above. It’s because I don’t own a TiVo. Yup. It’s true. Who knew? According to TiVo’s “Turn on the Love” survey that was conducted this past March, TiVo has the ability to improve relationships. Supposedly 73 percent of TiVo users have indicated that since bringing home a TiVo, romance has improved in their home. 5 percent of TiVo users have even claimed that TiVo has improved their sex life! Had I only known about this sooner, I would have purchased a TiVo years ago! I’m guessing that I’d probably even be married right now to some hot doctor, lawyer, or paramedic had I only invested in a TiVo. Woe is Dean.
The most recent guy I dated came over to my apartment a few weeks ago to hang out. We ended up watching some terrible movie together that we randomly selected On Demand. It turns out that that our bad movie choice not only cost me $6.99 but it also cost me my relationship with the guy. He hasn’t seen me (or talked to me) since that disastrous movie selection. At first I thought that it must be something totally simple; like he’s just not that into me. I mean that happens sometimes in relationships, right? But it turns out, after reading the results from this TiVo survey, that him avoiding me has nothing to do with him losing interest in me and everything to do with our unfortunate movie selection. We spent an awful two hours together watching some horrific film instead of enjoying each other’s company. Had I only owed a TiVo, I’m sure he would have called me or tried to see me. Yet again, I lost another perfectly decent guy all because I never even thought to invest in the relationship saving device known as the TiVo.
TiVo is like an electronic therapist for couples. It promotes positive relationship behavior in the home. For starters, it has been proven that TiVo users take time to kiss their partners. According to the survey, it turns out that more than half of TiVo respondents will pause dramatic television shows for a smooch (54 percent), and a third of respondents will even pause their favorite team’s games for a kiss (33 percent). With the help of TiVo, couples can also use their partner’s recently viewed content to recommend movies and shows that they will love. Talk about a romantic gesture!
TiVo also helps to keep peace in the home. The survey indicated that TiVo has found a way to put a stop to the ever-so-frustrating remote control wars. The survey revealed that TiVo users fight less over the remote on a monthly basis (9 percent vs. 11 percent of non-TiVo users). This clever little device has also eliminated disputes about watching one show versus another because TiVo users can record multiple shows at once.
So to all of my single ladies out there, my advice to you is to stop spending money on trying to win your man’s attention by doing something silly like getting a facelift or by demanding that he take you out for more romantic dinners. In the end, none of this stuff really matters when trying to save your relationship. You need to stop fighting over the remote control and instead start gaining control of your relationship. If you want a long-lasting relationship with your man, you need to walk yourself into a Best Buy (or go online) and get yourself the one and only digital recording device that has the ability to improve the romance in your relationship. Because in the end, if your man’s enjoying what you put on the TV, fast-forward a few months, and you’ll soon be enjoying what he puts on your finger. Bling.
**And, to my readers out there who don’t have the means to invest in this amazing relationship-saving technology, lucky for you, there’s a contest going on right now where you can win a TiVo and other fine goods! Check it out on facebook.com/tivo.