I haven’t heard from any boys in over a month now.  I’ve called, texted, emailed, and left several voicemails for lots and lots of boys everywhere.  Yet, not a single boy has gotten back to me.  Even the boys who have personally told me that they were going to call, haven’t.  At first I thought that it must be me.  I mean what else is a girl in my shoes supposed to believe when something like this happens to her?  But then I saw in the news this morning that there are major phone service problems in Oxford, Addison and Brandon Township.  According to an AT&T spokeswoman quoted in an article from The Oakland Press, “A contractor has cut through a fiber-optic cable that has interrupted landline service.”

After hearing of this news today, it all finally started to make sense to me.  This phone service problem is obviously the reason why boys everywhere have stopped contacting me.  What I realize now is that as much as these boys want to get in touch with me, they physically can’t due to the severity of this issue.

I know what some of you must be thinking.  The reported phone service problems are only known to be affecting landline phones in parts of Michigan.  And I am in San Francisco, California…with only a cell phone.  So this phone service problem that is occurring literally thousands of miles away from me, shouldn’t be impacting me, right?   But obviously it is.  I believe that what has started out as only a small problem in Michigan has now spread into a worldwide epidemic.  I mean it’s the only obvious explanation for why boys from all over the world have been avoiding me.

Take for example the boy who I went out on two great dates with last month.  While on our second date, he told me that he was having a great time with me and even asked me when he could see me next.  When we said our good-byes that night, he said he would call me the next day.  That was over a month ago now.  He still hasn’t called.  Some people would say that this means he’s met someone new.  But clearly, this is not the case.  It’s obviously due to the phone service issue that started in Michigan.  He wanted to call me….but he couldn’t.

And then there is my actor boyfriend who lives in London.  When we said our good-byes after spending a wonderful week together in Puerto Rico last month, he insisted that we stay in touch.  In fact, he called me as I was boarding my plane to go home, just to tell me that he had an incredible week with me and that he couldn’t wait to see me again.  A few days after I got home, I sent him a really nice, well-scripted email and attached some photos from our trip.  He replied 11 days later with the words, “Hey you. x”  I am certain that he wanted to say so much more to me.  Some people would say that this is a sign that he’s really not that into me.  But I think that the phone service problem that started in Michigan has now left all Londoner’s with only a limited access to the internet.  Even though he wanted to write more than just two words to me, he simply couldn’t.

And then, of course, there is my old San Francisco fling that I reconnected with a few weeks ago.  He and I used to date over a year ago.  The night we reconnected, we spent a lovely evening together sitting in front of a warm fireplace, sipping on several glasses of wine, and watching movies together on a rainy Sunday night.  He told me, unprovoked, that he always really liked me and that he was interested in trying to make our relationship work again.  He even went as far as to tell me that he was finally ready to be in a committed relationship and that he had changed and grown up a lot over the past year.  I left his apartment that night with him kissing me good-bye and telling me that he would call me the next morning.  That was nearly 40 mornings ago now.   Again, I am sure that he wanted to call and/or text.  I mean any boy who has stated that he is ready to be in a committed relationship with a girl would call, right?  Yet again, I have this phone service problem in Michigan to thank for preventing a really good relationship from forming.

And lastly there is my boyfriend in NY.  I can’t say enough good words about him.  We spent an amazing 6-weeks together in NY last time I was there.  We shared an endless amount of wonderful dates together.  And when I left NY last December, we were still on really great terms.   It was left unsaid that we would remain friends and always stay in touch.  So when I emailed him and texted him to let him know that I was coming to NY for a week, I would expect nothing less but an excited and happy response from him.  It has been nearly two weeks since I’ve reached out to him.  To date, I still haven’t received any word from him.  Again, I am attributing his lack of response to the phone service problems in Michigan.   This widespread problem has clearly affected all of Manhattan now as well.

So, for all of you girls out there who are also waiting on boys to contact you, you have some unseasoned contractor in the state of Michigan, who cut through a fiber-optic cable, to blame for all your anguish.

According to the AT&T spokeswoman quoted in this article, “I don’t know when it will be repaired, but it may not be until the end of the week.”

So, hang in there, girls.  In no time, we should eventually start hearing from our boys again.  In the mean time, we can at least be rest-assured that this has nothing to do with us, and everything to do with some stupid fiber-optic cable…in Michigan.