A lot of girls like to meet men at bars. I was never one of those girls. I mean sure. A bar is a perfect social setting for singles. It’s a place where they can go to get drunk and hopefully to get laid. But at the end of the day, the bar scene was never my scene. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve met guys at bars before. Many guys. And I’ve also been known to go on a few dates with guys whom I’ve met at bars. Let’s just say, I have no problem walking into a bar and flirting with guys like it’s my day job. (I mean, it kind of is since I don’t really have a day job.) Dean’s one good flirter. I just don’t like doing it…at a bar.
At the end of the day, my preference is to meet a guy at a coffee shop, via a panicked call to 9-1-1, or on some mode of public transportation. I’m all about meeting a guy organically without being in the social setting of a meet market. An ideal venue for me would be a comfortable place where there are singles around, but without all of the objectifying criteria that normally takes place in a bar.
And this is exactly how I came up with my genius idea of meeting a guy at an Apple store. My theory makes sense, really. I’ve always secretly been attracted to the Macboy so I figured why not go into an Apple store to find myself a boyfriend? I mean the Apple store does truly offer the best of both worlds. Every Apple store does come fully equipped with a bar; the Genius Bar. But there is no alcohol and it’s definitely not a meet market. So really, it’s the perfect bar setting. Genius!
For those of you who aren’t familiar with the term Macboy, Urban Dictionary describes him as, “a male who is obsessed with Apple products, in particular their Macs. They have to have the latest version as soon as it comes out, and continually rant on about how Macs are superior to PCs. They often have posters of Steve Jobs graced all over their bedroom walls.” Think Justin Long from all the Mac commercials on TV. He’s the epitome of a true Macboy.
In my opinion, Macboys are truly amazing. For starters, they are super- cute. They are simple-minded and know how to achieve the perfect look by blending just the right amount of cool-hipster with nerdy-smart. And Macboys by definition are smart too; really smart. I mean they have to be because it’s literally their job to know everything about Apple products. I’ve decided that dating a Macboy would be way more satisfying than dating a hot jock because Macboys know how to do super cool things like live stream movies for free (and other cool computer type computer stuff that I know nothing about). Hot jocks can’t do this any of this stuff. They’re just fun to look at.
So I decided that it was finally time to test my theory and to hit up an Apple store to find myself a Macboy. I took the next obvious step and booked myself an appointment at the Genius Bar. It was a Monday morning appointment so I had lots of time to prepare for it the weekend before. Just like when heading out to an ordinary bar, I knew that I needed to look my absolute best. I carefully selected my outfit the night before and spent a few extra minutes that Monday morning applying my “natural looking” makeup and straightening my wavy hair. The look I had decided on was casual with a twist of cuteness. I had a hard time deciding that morning if I should wear my smart-looking eyeglasses to the appointment or if I should just stick to the contact lenses that I normally wear. I wanted to appear smart to the Macboys but at the same time I didn’t want to take any attention away from my eyes. (I’ve been told that my blue eyes are one of my best facial features.) At the last minute, I decided to drop the glasses. I figured that a Macboy would automatically think I was smart simply because I was a Mac owner. That’s good enough for them, right?
There was nothing really wrong with my MacBook but I figured that I could easily make up a problem that wouldn’t make me sound too dumb or that wouldn’t require me to permanently damage my computer. I decided on going with the story that my MacBook was running slowly. I mean that does happen with computers, right? And it’s certainly not an issue that’s too big for a genius Macboy to resolve.
As I waited for my turn to be called up to the Genius Bar, I was feeling both excited and nervous. After checking out the fine selection of inventory that was working at the Genius Bar that morning, I was feeling especially good about my decision to go there to find a boyfriend. There was definitely some good potential with this bunch of Macboys.
My name was finally called and I happily took my seat at one of the stools at the Genius Bar. But I couldn’t help but to feel slightly defeated when I randomly got paired with the one Macboy who was sporting a big, bushy, brown beard. He definitely didn’t have that cool-hipster /nerdy-smart look that I love so much in a Macboy. He had more of an “I am a sheepherder from New Hampshire who rides a mean motorcycle” type of look. (You see, big bushy beards were never really my thing.) But I wasn’t about to let my Macboy’s rugged look interfere with me securing myself a boyfriend. I was on a mission. I came to the Genius Bar that morning with a purpose; and that purpose was to find myself a boyfriend. I wasn’t about to let some unattractive beard get in the way of my plan.
Clearly, I knew that it wasn’t going to work out with the bearded Macboy and me. Simply put, he just wasn’t for me. I needed an alternate plan, and quick! And that’s when I noticed another nice looking Macboy behind the bar who wasn’t already assisting another customer. I knew right away that I needed to be dramatic in order to get this cute Macboy’s attention.
Immediately shifting my new plan into gear, I asked my sheepherder of a Macboy, “Are you sure it’s going to be okay?” Of course I asked this question just loud enough for the cute Macboy to hear.
“Everything’s going to be just fine.” My Macboy from New Hampshire assured me. “We’ll get her back to running normal in no time!”
“Oh, Thank God!” I said. “I was just so scared that I was going to have to buy a new computer.”
And then I let out a dramatic sigh just as I made eye contact with the cute Macboy at the bar.
“Is everything okay with your computer?” The cute Macboy asked me as he walked over toward me.
“Well apparently it will be.” I told him. “It’s been running a bit slow lately but supposedly it’s something that can be fixed pretty easily. As you can imagine, I’ve been terribly worried about it.”
And just like that, my plan to talk to the cute Macboy was working! For the next several minutes I made small talk with him while my computer was still being “worked” on by the sheepherder. We talked about our jobs (or my lack thereof), where we each lived in the City, and even our favorite foods. I asked him all sorts of questions about Apple products and he seemed especially happy to answer them. I could sense that my plan to date a Macboy was coming together perfectly.
We were at that crucial point in our conversation where I just knew that I was about to get asked out. I mean all of the signs were there. He asked me what I was doing later that afternoon and even told me that I should stop by the store again if my computer was still running slow after I got home. I mean it was obvious. Cute Macboy wanted me.
But by the end of my appointment I still didn’t have a date. My unbroken computer was supposedly “working” again but my plan to get a date was not working. I was so confused. Cute Macboy had failed to seal the deal with me. He didn’t once try to hook up with me at the Genius Bar nor did he even ask me for my phone number.
I couldn’t help but to feel like a complete failure that day. I didn’t want to walk away from the Apple store but I had to. My computer was “fixed” and we had said our good-byes. It just felt so weird walking away. I had this unsettling feeling in my stomach that I couldn’t shake off. I mean all signs pointed to cute Macboy being interested in me but in the end he didn’t do a thing about it. I couldn’t help but to start questioning where I had gone wrong. Was my outfit not right? Was my makeup smudged? Should have I worn the glasses that morning?
And that’s when I realized that maybe it wasn’t me after all. Macboys might be geniuses when it comes to computers but they still have a thing or two to learn when it comes to girls. I learned that morning that an Apple a day not only keeps the doctors away but apparently the girls too.
And so there we have it. It turns out that my genius idea to find a boyfriend at the Apple store wasn’t so bright after all.