Monthly Archives: November 2010

Why You Should Never Date A Married Man

16 Tuesday Nov 2010

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As everyone knows by now, last week I was dumped via text message by my married boyfriend.  And this got me to thinking, if I was stupid enough to get involved with a married man, then there must be other girls out there who have fallen into a similar trap.  I learned the hard way that dating a married man can only lead to unhappiness in your future.  So here’s why you should never, ever, date a married man….even if he has great hair, calls you honey bunny, and looks amazing in a uniform.

  1. He’s married to someone else.  Therefore he’s just not that into YOU.
  2. He liked it so much he already put a ring on it; problem is that now he’ll never be able to afford putting a ring your finger.
  3. His idea of a fun date is staying at home and watching TV because that’s what men do best when they’ve been in a relationship for long time.  They can’t remember how to properly “woo” a girl.
  4. He can’t afford to take you out to nice dinners because he’s still supporting his wife and her lavish lifestyle.
  5. He doesn’t like to be seen in public with you even when you’re wearing your most flattering jeans with heels out of fear that he’ll run into his wife.
  6. He’s not good at breaking-up with a girl.  This is why he is still married to his wife and dating you at the same time.  You can most definitely expect a text message dump in your near future.
  7. He’s not an honest person.  So when he tells you that it’s over between him and his wife, in boy language this really means that him and his wife will be resolving their differences in the very near future.
  8. When he says things like, “they’ll be lots of vacations, dinners, and romantic evenings together in our future”.  What he really means is that he’ll be doing all of these fantastic things with his wife; not you.
  9. His relationship status on Facebook reads, “Married to My Wife” rather than “In a complicated relationship with someone awesome who’s not my wife”.
  10. When he tells you he’s one hot mess, you tend to only focus on the “hot” part of that statement.  Shift your focus to the “mess” part.  This is a much more accurate description of who he is.

So, if you’re dating a married man, quickly re-think your relationship with him, and move on to someone new and preferably not married.  I can pretty much guarantee you that in no time your married boyfriend will be getting back together with his wife and she’ll be the one running her fingers through his amazing head of hair.  And all you’ll have to remember him by is the text message that he sends you when he decides to dump you.  Just think, the sooner you decide to get out of your relationship with your married man, the sooner you’ll be having some hot guy in a uniform calling you honey bunny again.

 

Jessica Simpson Engaged to Eric Johnson; Dean Dumped via Text Message

15 Monday Nov 2010

Posted by in Dean's Deep Thoughts

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I’m sure you’ve heard the news by now.  It’s everywhere!  Jessica Simpson got engaged this weekend to former football pro, Eric Johnson.  And, par for the course, I got dumped…twice…via text message.

I am still having a hard time believing that I’ve actually been dumped by two different boys over text message.  I mean, what is wrong with boys today?  Are they not capable of breaking girls hearts in person anymore?  The first guy who broke up with me, NMB, was never officially my boyfriend.  So, I don’t think that technically he’s even allowed to break up with me.  (Note: NMB is not this boy’s actual name but rather a name that I have carefully selected for him to help  conceal his true identity.  It obviously stands for “Not My Boyfriend”)  NMB and I had only gone out on two dates together prior to him ending our “relationship”.   And even though I never considered NMB to be my boyfriend, he still felt compelled to let me know that our relationship was over for good.  He texted that he wasn’t sure if we were a match and finished his statement with the ever-so-popular dumping line, “I hope we can still be friends”.  I mean, really, since when in the dating world has two dates ever constituted being more than just friends?

The second guy who dumped me was at least someone who I had been involved in a real relationship with.  I’ll refer to this boy as Hubby.  (Note, Hubby is not this boy’s actual name but rather a name I am convinced his wife probably refers to him as.)  Hubby had been separated from his wife for several months before he and I started dating.  And much like any girl in my shoes, I was very concerned about starting a relationship with an already married man.  We talked often and openly about his not-so-ideal marital situation and he assured me on a number of occasions that his relationship with his wife was most definitely over for good.  So apparently when a boy tells you that his relationship with his wife is over, in boy language this really means, it’s over for  the time being.  You see, he didn’t actually specify that part to me…

Hubby used the break up line , “I need to figure out my relationship with my wife before I get involved in another relationship”.  I completely understand that the relationship with is wife is a first priority for him but couldn’t Hubby at least used this line on me before he and I entered into a two-month relationship together?  And seriously, I kind of feel like this message would have been much better received in person than over text.   Am I wrong here?  All I can say is that at least Hubby didn’t use the “can we still be friends line” like NMB did.  I mean how awkward would that be with me, Hubby, and his wife all sitting around the dinner table together someday being “friends”?

So, there we have it.  In the week that Jessica Simpson gets engaged to be married, I get dumped to be single…yet again.   I know that I shouldn’t exactly be comparing myself to Jessica Simpson.  After all, the only thing we share in common is our highlighted blonde hair.  But still, I can’t help but question why in this game called life, when one person finds happiness another person must find sorrow?   And furthermore, why is it that I’m the one who has to find that sorrow?  Jessica had only been dating this guy for 6 months, for God’s sake!  How is it even possible that she got him to propose to her so soon?!?!  It’s so not fair.  She of all people already had her chance at love when she married Nick Lachey.  And he was one of those especially good husbands too.  Nick was hot and funny, and did all of that amazing husband type stuff around the house that we all want men to do for us.   And Jessica let him go!  So why is it that Jess is in her second round of hot men, and I keep getting dumped by mine?

Seriously.  Isn’t it time already for Dean to find love?  I feel like I am getting way too old for this dating, and text dumping, and dating again thing.  After all, As Jessica Simpson once said herself, “Thirty-four is old. It’s almost 35, which is like almost mid-30s”.

 

No Boy is Perfect…Not Even David Cassidy

03 Wednesday Nov 2010

Posted by in Dean's Deep Thoughts

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Today is just one of those all-around dreary, no good days.  It’s raining in New York City, my hair is one frizzy mess, I have a strong inclination that I about to get dumped by my married boyfriend in San Francisco, and…David Cassidy was just arrested for driving under the influence in Florida! Um what?!?!?   I mean how is this even possible?  David Cassidy was like the hottest, most perfect, most desired teen heartthrob in the 70’s.  Most people remember him from “The Partridge Family”.  David Cassidy was like this perfect guy that every girl who grew up watching the “Partridge Family” wanted to date.  You couldn’t do better than him.  He was the best….the most dreamy…he was the crème de la crème of all boys…and now, today, he was arrested for doing something really stupid.  Mr. Perfect himself is apparently not so perfect.

And of course this got me to thinking.  If David Cassidy, the guy who all girls wanted to date at one point, is capable of being really dumb, then of course this means that all boys must be dumb.  Do the math.  It makes complete sense.  This is probably the reason that I can’t find love.  I mean here I am looking to date the David Cassidy’s of the world; boys who are smart, hot, and all-around perfect.  But clearly, today it’s been revealed, that perfection doesn’t exist.

Let’s review the current circuit of men who I am dating.  Shall we?  They all seem to be perfect upon first glance.  But as I peel back their layers, and get to know them better, I am realizing that they are all flawed in their own ways.  Let’s begin with the married one in San Francisco.  He’s hot.  He’s smart.  He makes me laugh.  He cooks me dinners.  We have great chemistry.  And he looks amazing in a uniform.  Perfect.  Right?  Nope, not perfect.  He’s married…and he’s about to dump me.  (My guess is that now that I am 3,000 miles away from him, he has decided to get back together with his wife.  Do I know this for sure?  Absolutely not.  But in all fairness…I do watch a lot of Oprah.  And if there is one message that she is constantly trying to convey, it’s to listen to our guts.  And my gut is telling me that my married boyfriend is getting back together with his wife.  Oprah should be proud of me for taking her advice…) Anyway, I digress.  The point that I am trying to get across here is that my perfect, married boyfriend, is not so perfect after all.  He’s clearly “David Cassidy” dumb, especially if he is considering dumping me, Dean.

Next there’s LOML (Love of my Life).  He’s lives in New York City and he is truly amazing.  He, like my married boyfriend, is incredibly smart, tall, and handsome.  He’s one of those guys who look great in jeans as well as in suits.  He can wear glasses and look all smart or he can take them off and still look smart!  (Not too many men have the ability to pull off the “smart look”, especially sans glasses.)  And much like the married one, LOML and I also have great chemistry.  He constantly tells funny jokes and he is never too shy to sing in public places, even though he is completely tone deaf.  I mean can I get better than this?  The answer is to this is, yes.  I can get better than this.  LOML is a total workaholic.  He works all of the time.  I mean, I’ve been in New York for a month now and I have seen him only one time since I arrived here.  See what I’m saying?  LOML is clearly not so perfect either.

And lastly, there is Mr. Starbucks.  He’s the guy who I am currently staring at at Starbucks.  Like my married boyfriend and LOML, I’ll bet that this guy has pretty good credentials too.  I mean without even having spoken to him yet, I can already tell that he is perfect on paper.  He has an English accent.  He’s wearing an argyle sweater vest, reading the newspaper, drinking hot tea, and has amazing hair.  (The awesome hair is an especially impressive credential considering that it’s raining outside.)  Seemingly, perfect.  Right?  No.  Again, not so perfect.  We’ve been staring at each other for the past hour and he hasn’t even bothered to ask me out…or talk to me for that matter.  I realize that I am having an especially bad hair day myself, but still….I’m deserving of love and attention from a hot British man in a Starbucks.  Right?

So there you have it.  David Cassidy getting arrested today proves to us that even the so-called perfect ones aren’t so perfect.  I mean what are we going to find out next?  That Mario Lopez’s six pack abs aren’t for real?  Or that Hugh Grant doesn’t really speak with an English Accent?  Or that Dr. McDreamy isn’t really a doctor?  But, I mean, seriously, how much more of this nonsense can we really take?!   It’s no wonder that I’m still single.  Boys are simply just too dumb for any of us to date.

 

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