All You Single Sadies, All You Single Sadies

28 Tuesday Feb 2012

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Tomorrow is a monumental day in dating. It’s Sadie Hawkins Day which basically means that girls all around the globe are officially allowed to ask boys out (or ask them to marry them). This only happens once every four years, on February 29th. So, as you can imagine, it’s a kind of a big deal.

You’re probably wondering how this little tradition even came to be. Well, it all started way back in 1937. (For those of you who don’t know, that’s long before the invention of the cordless telephone or PT Cruisers or Bravo TV, or even Seinfeld!) Sadie Hawkins Day made its debut in Al Capp’s Li’l Abner strip on November 15, 1937. Sadie Hawkins was “the homeliest gal in the hills” who grew tired of waiting for the fellows to come a courtin’. Her father, Hekzebiah Hawkins, a prominent resident of Dogpatch, was even more worried about Sadie living at home for the rest of his life, so he decreed the first annual Sadie Hawkins Day, a foot race in which the unmarried gals pursued the town’s bachelors, with matrimony as the consequence.

So pretty much, we have the famed and ugly Sadie Hawkins (and her dad) to thank for this extraordinary day tomorrow in the dating world. It’s because of her unattractiveness that women and girls everywhere are encouraged to take the initiative in inviting the man or boy of their choice out on a date.

As you all know, asking a boy out on a date goes strictly against everything that Dean typically preaches about in her successful dating practice. I mean how many times have we heard Dean advise, “Under no circumstance should a girl ever ask a boy out, pay the bill on a first date, or hold the door open for him.” These are Dean’s dating rules that she is never shy about sharing with her loyal readers.

But what we have to remember is that with every rule, there can always be an exception. And tomorrow happens to be that exception. Poor, little, ugly Sadie paved the way for this movement to be possible. And Dean thinks that it would be shameful to Sadie, her dad, and to all of mankind for that matter if we simply chose to ignore this historic and significant event.

So tomorrow, Dean is highly encouraging single girls everywhere to ask out (or ask to marry) the boys of their dreams.

Dean knows that this is not an easy thing to do for most girls. I mean in today’s times, we’re certainly not about to go hosting a foot race for the purpose of scoring a man. Especially with all of the technology on our side these days, there are way more tactful ways to go about asking out the man of your dreams.

Dean has compiled a list of the top 5 ways for girls to ask boys out:

  1. Create a profile for your man on Match.com. Load several pictures of him and be sure to include his email address in the login information. Once his profile has been successfully created, send him a wink to let him know that you are interested. He’ll be sure to be surprised…in a good way!
  2. Update your Facebook status to say that you and the man of your dreams are in a relationship. Trust me, when your man sees the bold initiative that you have taken for the world to see, he’ll have no choice but to confirm your pending relationship status. And in no time, you’ll turn that fake relationship status into a reality.
  3. Host a contest to date you. (Check out Dean’s example of a successful dating contest.) At the end of the day, contact the man of your dreams to let him know that he won the grand prize; a date with you. Even if he never entered the contest, letting him know that he is the winner will surely make you both lucky in the end.
  4. Hire one of those fancy planes that do messaging in the sky, “skytyping“. For a completely unreasonable price, have a plane fly above his home and type, “Will you go out with me?” in the sky. At the end of the day, if he does agree to go out with you, can we really put a price tag on love?
  5. Write a blog post about the five best ways for a girl to ask out the man of her dreams. After you have published the post, send your dream date a link to your blog. In no time at all, he’ll begin to wonder if the blog post was intended for him. If he seems really excited about it, tell him that it was indeed written for him. However, if he seems somewhat repulsed or disturbed by the gesture, you can always lie to him and tell him that it was meant for someone else. It’s a really safe way to express your true feelings without the risk of getting hurt or humiliated.

So to all of you Single Sadie’s out there, if you like it, tomorrow’s your day to put a ring on it. Lock it down and make Dean proud!

Valentine’s Day: How to Fake It to Make It

13 Monday Feb 2012

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As a dating advice expert, singles are constantly asking me how they can possibly make it through yet another Valentine’s Day…alone. Let’s face it. This dreaded holiday is only fun for those people who are in love; those who have that special someone in their lives to buy them Godiva Chocolates, a dozen of red roses, and lots of sparkly diamonds. It’s especially great for them.

But what about for the rest of us? For those of us who are single, Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year that especially sucks. What are all of the single people to do on this holiday while all the others are gloating in the glory of this completely annoying holiday? Dean is here to assure you that Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to suck this year. There are things that you can do to not only survive this tactless holiday but to almost enjoy it as well.

If you are single, the most important thing you can do is to convince others that you are desirable. This simple act will not only make others think twice about their feelings toward you, but it also might actually make you start feeling good about yourself too. Remember, in the dating games, men typically like women who they can’t have. This is why it’s especially important for us singles to show others that we not easily obtainable.

One way to do this is to send yourself love letters, flowers, and candy this Valentine’s Day. It’s always important to do this in a public setting where lots of people can marvel at the gifts you have received (from yourself). If you work in an office environment, be sure to draw lots of attention to yourself at a time when you are most on display. For instance, during an important company meeting or at a business event that many people are required to attend. Or, if you’re in school, be sure to have your gifts arrive during an important test when the room is especially quiet. Trust Dean. When that somebody you’re interested in sees that you are receiving attention from someone other than him, it will suddenly make him think twice about his feelings toward you. (Note: As we once learned from the movie, “Clueless“, it’s also a great idea to wear an outfit that shows a little skin because this reminds boys of being naked, and then they think of sex.) You’ll soon see, after all of this faking, at the end of the day, you’ll not only have won the attention of others, but you’ll also have lots and lots of great gifts (like chocolate) that you won’t be forced to share with anyone (because in reality you’re still single).

If spending money on yourself or writing love letters to yourself seems like too much work, there are other things that you can do this Valentine’s Day so that you technically don’t have to be alone. One option is to create a contest to find yourself a boyfriend. Post an ad on Craigslist, write a blurb on an online dating site, Tweet, post on your Facebook wall, or better yet host a contest on your blog. (Check out the Date Dean Contest to learn more ideas on how to launch a successful contest to acquire a boyfriend.) The great thing about this option is that at the end of the contest, you actually have a real live person to date on Valentine’s Day.

And lastly, if none of the above options seem viable for you, you can always ask one of your hot single gay friends to act as your boyfriend this Valentine’s Day. If he’s a good gay friend, he’ll want to do everything in his power to make you to feel like you actually have a boyfriend this year. One way to make this work for you is to show him lots and lots of pictures of all of your ex-boyfriends on Facebook and in your phone so that he’ll know who he has to put on an especially good act for. It’s always great to have your gay friend give you a soft smooch you on your cheek, hold your hand, or gently stroke your hair during that “unexpected” encounter with your ex. Trust Dean. Your ex will not only be feeling jealous of your hot new “boyfriend”, but you’ll also be feeling pretty special too. It’s truly a win-win for everyone involved…well except for your ex. (Note: if your gay friend tends to have a high pitched voice or often wears lots of bright pink accessories, you might want to ask him to tone it down a bit just for the day. Remember, the point of having a gay boyfriend in the first place is to have him help you convince others that he is your straight boyfriend.)

We all know that Valentine’s Day is the worst day of the year for singles. But with Dean’s simple dating advice, this year can be the first year that you actually survive this dreaded holiday unscathed. Whether it be writing love letters (to yourself) or adopting a gay for the day to act as though he’s your boyfriend, you don’t have to participate in the lonely hearts club any longer!

If you have love in your life, then cool. Love the one that you’re with. But if you don’t have love in your life this Valentine’s Day, remember to simply pretend to others like you do. It’s a harmless little white lie that will surely make your heart glow lots of red this Valentine’s Day.

Break-ups: Now There’s an App for That

25 Wednesday Jan 2012

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You all know by now that Dean is a dating professional. And as a dating professional, Dean makes it her job to go on lots of dates. Keep in mind that I go on dates not only to find true love for myself but most importantly to help all of my valued readers (like you) find true love as well. Each and every day, I hit the streets, suffering through all of the heartaches and break-ups so that ultimately YOU don’t have to. And I do this because I truly want my readers to learn from all of my dating faux pas; figure-out early on in the dating stage what things not to do on a date. Simply put, Dean does dating…for you!

Getting dumped (a lot) comes with the territory for a dating professional like me. And we all know that break-ups are never easy. With each and every break-up, we as humans can’t help but to take it personally. After each dump, we wonder what exactly went wrong. And then we begin to question ourselves with endless amounts of possibilities as to why it’s over. Was my hair too frizzy? Were my heels not high enough? Did he not think that I was funny even though I kept on telling him (over and over) how funny I really was?  And sadly, most of the time in dating, we never get the answers that we are searching for. We never know why it is exactly that we got dumped in the first place.

These days, there are so many different kinds of break-up strategies out there; all of which I am proud to say that I have experienced (just for you)!

There’s the simple text message break-up: “Hey! I had fun last night. You’re really great…but I don’t ever want to see you again. Good luck with life!”

Or the disappear break-up: After an amazing date, he kisses you good-bye and softly whispers into your ear, “I can’t wait to see you again. I’ll call you.” Then months pass by and he never does actually call (or see you).

And lastly there’s the birthday dump: This is when your date takes you out on your birthday for a very romantic candlelight dinner before walking you back to your apartment and then casually dumping you before he walks out of your apartment (and your life) for what would be the last time.

These days, there are so many different break-up techniques, none of which ever informs the dumpee what went wrong or why it is that they’re being dumped in the first place. The dumpee is constantly left wondering and speculating. Why did he text dump me? Why is it that he never called? And why did he break-up with me on my birthday? Do I not age gracefully?

We have never had the answers to any of these pressing questions…until now! Lucky for us daters, there is now an app for that, WotWentWrong, that actually tells the dumpee why they’re being let go. It’s dumping made simple.

WotWentWrong is a Web app that literally takes all of the mystery out of dating dumps. It gives the dumper an opportunity to tell us exactly what went wrong so that we no longer have to resort to Facebook Stalking, awkward apartment drive-bys, endless Google searches, or having to create a fake profile on an online dating site just so that we can anonymously keep tabs on our ex’s most recent dating activities. With the WotWentWrong App, we now have all of the answers we’ve been searching for…right on our very own favorite mobile devices!

How WotWentWrong Works

The service is completely free. You simply customize a form letter chosen from a variety of styles such as ‘flippant’, ‘cool’, ‘confused’ or ‘philosophical’, provide some feedback about your date, and let the app take care of the rest.

The dumper then gets an e-mail or text message asking for feedback. He or she can choose from a wide selection of preset or customized excuses and critiques, such as incompatible tastes in music, differing religious views, or poor hygiene.

Furthermore, to encourage the dumper to respond, users are told that they will be able to find out whether their ex found them attractive or thought they were good in bed – but only when they have submitted their feedback. It’s a smart App that tells us once and for all why were dumped. It’s genius.

Example of a ‘Confused’ WotWentWrong Request

Hi Mr. Cocky,

I must admit I’m a bit confused! All the signals I got indicated that things were going well with us, but then our communication stopped.

I understand that something didn’t feel right for you and I would appreciate some feedback. I wonder if you could spare a moment to tell me your thoughts?

Thanks so much!

Dean

Dean Is Always Standing By

Keep in mind that Dean together with the WotWentWrong App, are always here to help you get through even your most toughest break-ups.

There are times in life when you’re going to need to hear real answers; honest answers that can only come from the dumper himself. In these instances, I strongly encourage you to turn to the WotWentWrong App.

But, when you want someone to feed you amazing advice; someone to console you and to convince you that the dumper is most definitely gay or a complete douchebag or better yet both, turn to Dean.

Dean might not be able to tell you what exactly went wrong with your past relationship, but she will most definitely be able to convince you that you are way better off without him in your life.

And this is precisely what makes Dean a dating professional.

5 Signs That Your Guy Could Be Gay

04 Sunday Dec 2011

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These days it’s so hard to know who is gay and who isn’t. Men don’t exactly walk around carrying signs letting us single girls know what team they play for. So how are we supposed to know if the guy that we are pining after (or dating) is gay? What are some signs that we should be looking for?

Several months ago I attempted (and failed miserably) at trying to date a guy who just wasn’t that into me. I did everything in my power I could to get him to like me. Desperately wanting him to become my boyfriend, I came up with what I thought was a a fool-proof plan. I bought two bottles of cheap red wine and proceeded to get my crush so drunk that he was unable to drive himself home. Like clockwork, my crush ended up having to spend the night at my apartment, in my bed. I had him right where I wanted him. Dean’s plot had worked like a charm, or so I thought…

But the reality is, the next morning my crush and I woke up in the same exact position that we had fallen asleep in; on opposite sides of the bed. The truth is, he never once even tried to put the moves on me during the night. This should have been a clear indication to me that my boy crush was gay. But no. Instead I wrote off the entire incident as him being way too drunk to put the moves on me. Oh the excuses us straight girls sometimes use for our gay male crushes…

I can assure you that if a straight boy ever finds himself piss drunk in a single girl’s bed, he will put the moves on her. This is a fact. A drunk straight man has no boundaries whatsoever when he’s in a girls apartment. None.

Don’t let yourself fall victim to falling in love with someone who plays for the opposite team. As a dating advice expert, Dean is here to tell you that there are warning signs that you should be paying attention to.

5 Signs That Your Guy Could Be Gay

  1. After you proceed to get him drunk off of two bottles of red wine, and basically force him to spend the night at your place, he still makes no attempt, whatsoever, at trying to hook-up with you.
  2. He thoroughly enjoys singing show tunes and knows all the words to every Broadway musical ever written.
  3. Your gay friends have repeatedly told you that he bats for the other team.
  4. He has expressed (several times) an interest in participating in a Flashmob.
  5. When he finally does kiss you for the first time, he completely freaks out, runs out of your apartment, and decides never to speak to you again.

Dean is here to tell you that if you have ever experienced any of the above scenarios, it’s time to get yourself a new crush, and fast! After all, it’s never fun to crush on a guy…who’s crushing on some other guy.

If, however, after reading these 5 warning signs, you are still unsure about whether your guy crush is gay, there is (luckily) a test on OKCupid that you can take called, “The Is Your Boyfriend Gay Test“. It is a simple 15-question multiple-choice test that only takes a few minutes to complete.

I recently took the test and it confirmed for me what I had been speculating for months; my guy crush is indeed gay. I got the “I’m sorry to have to be the person to tell you this.. but honey, you’re losing him to the other side and there is nothing you can really do about it” result.

So there we have it. It’s been officially confirmed by OkCupid. Dean once crushed on a gay guy. My only wish is that he would have stuck around long enough for the two of us to have participated in at least one Flashmob together. Oh the fun we could have had…had he simply not run away.

My date with Mr. Cocky

28 Monday Nov 2011

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It was a Saturday night and I was asked out on a date by a guy, Mr. Cocky, I had met at a hotel bar the week before. (Note: Mr. Cocky is not his real name but rather a carefully selected name that I have chosen for him in order to help conceal is true identity. I call him Mr. Cocky because…well he is rather cocky.)

Mr. Cocky is somewhat of an attractive older man that is at least 10 years my senior. For whatever reason, when I first spotted him standing at the hotel bar with his friend, I was drawn to him. He had a great energy to him, a great smile, and looked very handsome in his tight-fitting jeans. His friend told me that Mr. Cocky also had a amazing apartment in Russian Hill with “to die for” views of the Golden Gate Bridge. And supposedly, Mr. Cocky was planning to host an upcoming holiday party at his apartment that I would definitely be invited to. To say the least, Dean was very intrigued.

Dean 0.  Mr. Cocky 1.

It turns out that on the very night that I met Mr. Cocky, he was about to leave to go on a date with with some other woman who had offered to cook him dinner at her place.  Since I was mildly attracted to this guy and there was no ring on his finger (that I could see anyway), I knew immediately that I had to do something to let this guy know that I was interested. I just couldn’t let this guy walk out of the bar that night without first having a way of getting in touch with me.

So I did what any girl would do who was in my shoes. Before he left to go on his dinner date with the “other” woman, I handed over my card to him and said, “it most likely won’t work out between you and your date tonight.  So when you find yourself single again, give me a call.”  He laughed as he took my card and securely placed it into the back pocket of his designer jeans.  As he hugged me good-bye I said, “I’m looking forward to my date with you…in about 6 months!”  Dean was quite smooth.

Dean 1.  Mr. Cocky 1.

A week later, Mr. Cocky called to ask me out for dinner. My move worked like a charm.

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 1.

This guy was smooth. He had the kind of confidence in himself that was almost blinding to watch. He smelled nice, had a full-head of hair, drove a nice car, was well-spoken, and clearly dated a lot of women. I know this because one of the first things he told me on our date was that he dated a lot of women. Right off the bat, Mr. Cocky was acting cocky. But I couldn’t tell yet whether I appreciated his cockiness or whether it bothered me. I figured that I at least had the rest of the night to figure it all out.

On the short drive to the restaurant Mr. Cocky told me how much he enjoys going on dates with women. He was divorced, didn’t care if he ever married again, and really just enjoyed spending time with beautiful women. He told me that it was impossible for him to ever be on a bad date. He knows that not everyone will like him but it’s always fun and exciting to get to know other people. Within a few minutes of me getting into his car, he insisted that he and I would have a great time together that night. There was no way that we couldn’t. I wasn’t so sure at that point but I went with it because he was cocky and seemed to know what he was talking about.  He showcased extreme confidence in himself.

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 2.

We arrived at the restaurant and everyone seemed to know who Mr. Cocky was. I was suddenly being introduced left and right to all of the hosts, waitors, and bartenders in the room.  ”Do you come here on a lot of dates?” I asked Mr. Cocky.  ”No,” he told me.  ”He owns the place.”  Mr. Cocky was obviously rich.

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 3.

Before we were even seated at our table, Mr. Cocky asked me if I liked his body. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to his question. I mean sure. He did look great in his jeans and his navy sport coat. But I hadn’t ever seen him without clothes on before. I had no idea what was underneath all of those clothes.

“I can’t tell,” I told him, feeling just a bit awkward.

“Well how do I feel?” he asked me, gently placing my two hands on his firm washboard abs.

“You feel great!” I assured him as we were being seated at our table.

I have to admit that it was a bit uncomfortable feeling Mr. Cocky’s body at his restaurant. But I certainly did appreciate the fact that he worked out and had a nice body to show for it.

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 4.

Throughout my dinner with Mr. Cocky he was very touchy/feely. There was lots of hand holding, hands on the thigh moves, and hands around the waist.  Mr. Cocky had smooth moves and certainly knew how to properly woo a lady. (There’s nothing more unattractive than a man who doesn’t have smooth moves.)

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 5.

We hadn’t even ordered our food yet and Mr. Cocky started talking all about sex. He shared with me his likes and dislikes and wanted to know about all of mine. He told me that if and when there is a real connection between him and a woman, there will be making out/and or sex on a first date. The chemistry has to be there right away. I admittedly was uncomfortable with our sex talk. I wasn’t feeling ready to have this conversation with him. I didn’t know him well enough to indulge deeply in the conversation. Mr. Cocky was too forward for my own liking.

Dean 2.  Mr. Cocky 4.  (One point deduction for being too forward.)

On the drive home, Mr. Cocky asked me if I wanted to go back to his apartment…to check out his amazing views of the Golden Gate Bridge.  Mr. Cocky used an awful pick-up line on me.

Dean 2. Mr. Cocky 3. (One point deduction for using a bad pick-up line.)

I declined his invitation.

Dean 3.  Mr. Cocky 3.

Mr. Cocky pulled up in front of my apartment and went-in for the kiss good-night. The kiss wasn’t good. Mr. Cocky was a bad kisser.

Dean 3.  Mr. Cocky 2. (One point deduction for being a bad kisser.)

As I exited his car, Mr. Cocky told me that he would call me later in the week. He never called.

Dean 3.  Mr. Cocky 1 (One point deduction for lying.)

I found myself thinking a lot about Mr. Cocky that week, wondering if he would ever call, if he would un-friend me on Facebook, or if he was still even considering inviting me to his holiday party at his amazing apartment with the “to die for” views.

It’s been over a month and I never heard from Mr. Cocky again.

I am guessing that I never heard from him because I refused to “check-out” his place. Although I may have not seen a breath-taking view that night, I did learn an important lesson. In the game of love, there are all types of players. There is the Mr. Nice Guy, the Mr. Funny Guy, the Mr. Smarty Pants, and of course, there is the Mr. Cocky. But in the game of love, Mr. Cocky will never stand a chance.  Because at the end of the day, all Mr. Cocky is, is a player. And a player who doesn’t play by the rules, can never stand a chance.

Dean 3. Mr. Cocky 0. (One point deduction for being a total player.)

Love Stinks

27 Sunday Nov 2011

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Dating is tough. Anyone who’s been out there in the dating world knows all too well that finding Mr. Right is a daunting task. So, you could imagine my surprise last week when I, Dean, was asked out by a handsome Jewish doctor by the name of Doogie Steinberg. (Note: Doogie Steinberg is not this doctor’s real name but rather a carefully selected name that I have chosen for him in order to help conceal his true identity.)

I met Doogie online a few weeks ago and knew immediately upon viewing his photos (and reading his online profile) that he was “the one”. I mean how could he not be? He was a great looking Jew and a doctor! (Of course it also didn’t hurt that Doogie was a lot taller than the average 5’9″ Jewish man.) Without a doubt, this “doc-tah” was a keeper that was never to be parted with.

There’s not much more that a girl could ever want in a husband than a Jew/Doctor all rolled into one. As a non-certified dating advice expert, I can assure you that pretty much every single girl out there dreams of someday marrying a Jewish doctor. So I’m sure that you could imagine my sheer excitement when I received an email from the doctor asking me out on a date. I announced to my entire workplace that afternoon that I had finally found my match; my Mr. Right. The wedding planning was already in full-force before the date with the doctor ever even began. It was to be a Napa wedding with the best white Costco sheet cake that the doctor’s money could ever buy.

I figured, before my date with Doogie, that even if he turned out to be a little weird (or wore bad jeans) that I would still be able to live with all these things. After all, none of this small stuff really matters when you come across an eligible, single, Jewish doctor to date. At the end of the day, the prestigious doctor title always trumps everything else in the quest for love. Jewish doctor means so many things to a single girl. It means smarts, lots of money, an excellent care-giver, and most importantly it means someone who can actually afford to buy his own washer and dryer.

Doogie and I agreed to meet at a quaint little wine bar in my neighborhood for our first date. Since I already knew that he was “the one”, I made sure to look especially good that night. I applied a fresh coat of makeup and slipped into my most flattering belted sweater dress before walking out the door for what I assumed would be my very last night as a single girl in the city. Dean was looking and feeling amazing that night. She was more than ready to meet her future Jewish doctor husband. And as she walked toward the wine bar, she couldn’t help but to imagine the huge sparkling diamond ring that Doogie would soon be putting on her finger…in a few short months time…

I walked into the wine bar where I immediately spotted my future husband, Doogie Steinberg, seated at a table toward the back of the room. He was quite handsome and my nervousness started to settle-in as I walked toward him. As I slowly made my way to him, my nerves were suddenly overpowered by his scent. Or perhaps a better word to describe it; his stench. The hot Jewish doctor turned out to be quite smelly. It was his breath. My future husband, Doogie Steinberg, was suffering from a horrible case of halitosis. And my dream of the wedding in Napa with the Costco sheet cake was quickly turning into a non-reality.

The smell was overwhelming to say the least. I reached out one hand to shake his hand and tried my best to cover my nose with my free hand. I wanted to offer him a breath mint, or run, or do anything just to make the smell go away. But there was nothing I could do. I had already committed to our date and Dean is no date dumper. So I did what anyone else would do who was in my shoes and started to ask Doogie for all sorts of medical advice…and for prescriptions to all of my favorite medicines that had expired. After all, he may have not been my future husband but he still was a practicing licensed doctor. Dean saw this as an opportunity to take full advantage of.

I somehow managed to survive my scented date with Doogie. As I talked to him that night all about my medical history I sadly watched my dream of the Napa wedding slowly begin to fade away into the darkness of my once again broken heart. At the end of the night, I walked into my empty apartment, and sat on the foot of my bed alone with only my thoughts. And that’s when I realized that sometimes finding true love really does stink.

I Heart Rugby

24 Monday Oct 2011

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I Heart Rugby

My name is Dean and I love all things rugby.  From the rugby stripe shirt to the Ralph Lauren Rugby brand, I love everything there is to love about rugby.  But what I love most of all, is the sport of rugby.  How could I not?  I mean it’s the one sport that has the speed of basketball, the contact of football, and the strategy of chess all rolled into one game.  Seriously.  What possibly could be sexier and more interesting than rugby?  Nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Especially the athletes who participate in this sport…

Did you know that a ton of really smart and important men in America have played this sport?  They include John F. Kennedy, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and Meat Loaf.  Rugby is clearly a sport where intelligence is required.

I can pretty much guarantee that you’ll never find me wasting my time watching Monday night football…EVER!  This is solely because I am way too engrossed in all things rugby.  In fact, this past week, I have spent endless hours in front of the TV watching all of the most important games of the Rugby World Cup.  Hurrah! New Zealand!

Oddly enough, the other day I randomly stumbled upon an article about how Kiwi women are being helped by the sport of rugby in their efforts to attract men. Apparently, a survey was conducted by this online dating website called, “FindSomeone” that revealed that more and more women are now indulging in rugby talks to help draw-in men.  Is this a coincidence, or what?

Dean loves rugby and she’s also searching for her Mr. Right!  How ironic…

New Zealand’s largest premium online dating site, “FindSomeone” stated that a whopping 43 percent of females on their site have used the term “rugby” in their personal profiles to attract men.  And the topic of rugby has also been an increasingly popular subject matter in online messaging, especially during the World Cup.

FindSomeone manager, Rick Davies, strongly believes that girls who are seeking “Mr. Right” are strategically baiting men with rugby.  He thinks that this is being driven by the increasing number of women who desperately want to find someone special during the apparent man-drought in the area. There is so much attention on rugby these days, Davies says, that discussing rugby is a clever way for women to reel-in men.

So now what?

Men with incredibly sexy accents are supposedly attracted to women who can speak (intelligently) about rugby.  So, if you are a single girl out there who is looking for love; a girl who desperately wants to meet her Mr. Right…Start. Talking. Rugby.

If you have an active online dating profile, Dean recommends that you discuss your “love for rugby” at least three times in your profile.  Don’t have it be the only thing you talk about but do casually use the term all throughout your profile.

Example of how to incorporate rugby into your OKCupid Online Dating Profile

My self-summary:

My name is Dean.  I am a self-proclaimed dating advice expert.  I love to write, flirt with boys on public transportation, and watch rugby.  I am skinny; look great in skirts and dresses, and my favorite food is pizza.  I am a great cook.  (Note: Dean is not really a great cook. In fact, she’s awful in the kitchen.  However, men love women who can cook for them. So in addition to mentioning rugby, also mention your strong passion for cooking.)

I’m really good at:

Blow-drying my hair until it’s perfectly straight, lending a shoulder for men to cry on, and understanding the complicated sport of rugby.

On a typical Friday night I am:

At a music concert, going to sports bars with friends to catch a rugby game on the big screen, or out for pizza.

Do you see how easy it is to incorporate rugby into your everyday lifestyle?  It’s a simple act that Dean highly recommends for single girls everywhere who are searching for love.

Know Before You Go 

You did such a great job with your online dating profile that you have now landed yourself a date with a cute foreigner (who most-likely speaks with sexy accent).  But remember, he likes you because of your love for the sport of rugby and NOT for who you really are.  So now what?  Dean recommends that you brush up on your rugby talk before your first date with him.  Some great resources are:

  1. Google the term “rugby trivia”
  2. Google the term “famous rugby quotes”
  3. Google the term “fun facts about rugby”

If you’re a single girl, you know all-too-well that now more than ever is a difficult time to find men.  We are clearly living in a world that has an excess of women and not enough men.  In this rat race, a single woman MUST do everything she can to stand apart from her competition.  If this means pretending that you’re someone that you’re not, Dean says it’s okay in the game of love.

We all know that it’s a difficult task trying to win the attention of a man.  So if it’s been proven that rugby is a sure way to attract a man, is it really so bad if we further-educate ourselves on the topic?  I think not.  In fact, Dean says it can only enhance your already fantastic life.  So if you really want to find a man, eat, sleep, and proudly flaunt your rugby stripes.  And soon enough you and your Mr. Right will be enjoying your new-found hobby…together.

Rugby is played by men with odd shaped balls.”

How to Handle that Awkward Encounter with your Ex

17 Monday Oct 2011

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The Awkward Encounter with your Ex

It’s happened to every single one of us at one point or another.  That awkward moment when you’re simply minding your own business, walking down the street, and then standing right there in front of you is your ex.  He’s that person who you used to share your most private secrets with; that person who you thought was once your best friend; that person who you used to share jokes with and laugh at everything with; that person who was, well, “your person”.

You haven’t talked to him in ages.  The last time you saw him (or spoke to him for that matter) was during the actual break-up itself.  There’s so much that you want to say to him but you’ve never had to the opportunity to do so…until now.  You’ve always pictured this moment in your head.  And now that this moment is finally here, staring you in the face, what do you do?

A lot of dating advice experts would advise you to be kind in these situations, not to bring up old issues, to keep your conversation short and sweet, and not to cry.  But my readers already know all of these things.  What Dean’s readers want to know is what are the necessary steps that a girl needs to take in order to survive an awkward encounter with her ex?

What do you wear?  What do you say?  How do you properly prepare yourself for this moment?  Well keep reading because Dean has all of the answers.

Like the Way You Look

The best way that you can prepare yourself for running into an ex-boyfriend is to live each and every day as if it’s the actual day that you are going to bump into your ex.  If you do this, you’ll never be caught off-guard when that moment finally does arrive.  First, it’s important to get your haircut every 6-8 weeks.  This not only helps to eliminate split ends but it also ensures that your hair will be looking especially good for when that unexpected moment with your ex occurs.  Next, update your makeup palette every four months.  You want your face to be looking fresh and flawless when this awkward encounter takes place.  And lastly, be sure to wear a dress that properly shows off your cute little calves and ankles.

As a dating advice expert, I’m sure that you can imagine how many times I hear from readers who have written-in to tell me that they have been unprepared when they’ve run into their ex.  Don’t let yourself fall into this trap.  Look your best at all times.

Boys are Dumb

Keep in mind that boys don’t ever think about the possibility of running into an ex like us girls do.  Rest assured, you can pretty much count on them not having their hair styled before they see you.  I mean the one complaint that us girls always have about our boyfriends when we’re with them is that they are not capable of planning anything.  So do you really think that they are going to be prepared when they unexpectedly see you for the first time?  No!  Of course not.  Boys are dumb.

Recently, I ran into an ex while he was dressed head-to-toe in royal-blue spandex.  He was also sporting a helmet on his head.  Attractive?  I think not.  Mind you he was on a bike, but still.  He clearly wasn’t prepared to see me.  While he was draped in spandex, I was dressed in an adorable above-the-knee dress, with my hair newly styled, and my make-up flawlessly applied.  Dean looked good.  Dean was prepared.

Blue Spandex vs. The Cute Dress.  Who won in this situation?  Dean.  Dean won because Dean looked good when she walked out the door that morning.  I mean we all know that spandex in no situation is ever considered to be attractive….unless maybe you are a man who owns a front load washer and dryer, speaks with a lisp, and doesn’t believe in breaking up with girls on their birthdays.  Then maybe spandex could be considered attractive.  But only then.

Have Something to Say

Just as important as it is to look good, it’s equally as important to have something in your back pocket to say when that awkward moment with your ex arises.  Some good examples are,

  1. I have to run.  My hot boyfriend made me breakfast at his place and he’s waiting for me to come over.  (Note: You can also use the words “dinner” or “lunch” in this example.  Use your discretion here.)
  2. I curse the day you were born!  (We learned this great quote from Charlotte in Sex and the City.)
  3. My new boyfriend is great.  He doesn’t wear spandex.  (Note: this line only applies if your ex is standing in front of you sporting a pair of spandex.  Otherwise this comment would be weird.)
  4. It’s been great not seeing you!  (Short.  Simple.  And to the point.)
  5. I am pregnant with your child.  I think we should talk over a cup on non-caffeinated coffee.  (Note: This statement is only good if you are trying to get back together with your ex.  DO NOT use this statement under any other circumstance.)

So, next time you walk out your door, be prepared.  You never know who’s going to be standing there in front of you.  Look your best at all times and always know what you’re going to say.  You might not have been able to handle your relationship with your ex.  But with Dean’s advice, you can most certainly handle an awkward encounter with him.

Dean Does Dating…In the Friendly Skies

26 Monday Sep 2011

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With Pan Am premiering tonight on ABC, a TV show about what it was like to be a stewardess circa the early 1960s, I figured what better time than now to discuss how to flirt on an airplane.  Meeting a man on an airplane isn’t quite as easy as it seems.  As I am sure that many of you are not aware, there is a lot of prepping and planning that must take place in order for the matchmaking process to go smoothly.  Some girls just assume that it’s merely luck that brings two people together on a plane.  But trust Dean.  There’s a lot more to it than just luck.  If you want to meet a man on a plane, you can’t just sit back and enjoy the flight. Unfortunately, you have to experience at least a little bit of turbulence in order to find love in the air.

Pre-Boarding

In order to find a match on a plane, the first thing that you must do is prep work.  Now when I say “prep” I am not just talking about making sure your hair is blown out, your nails are freshly manicured, and your face is flawlessly made-up.  All of that prep work goes without saying.  What Dean is talking about here is the act of scoping out your potential airplane partner before even stepping foot onto the plane.

 Take a seat in the boarding area and begin to search for any potential dating prospects.  During this “prep” phase, it is important that you determine who your target man is going to be while in flight.  Things to keep in mind while scoping out the boarding area: you want to select a man who is sitting alone in the airport and preferably someone who is not wearing a wedding band.  Also, if a man is seated alone in the airport but has a piece of girlish-looking luggage near him, assume that he is taken.  His girlfriend (or wife) is most likely in the ladies room.

Once you have selected your target man, the next crucial step is to get noticed by him.  (Again, you want to do this while you are still in the airport and before you board your flight.)  A great way to get noticed is to stand directly in front of him and do something flashy that will undeniably make him aware of your presence.

Last Sunday, while I was at LAX, I targeted a very handsome, dark-haired man who was seated alone in the boarding area working on his iPad.  I walked over toward his direction and stood directly in front of him, pretending to be completely occupied by my iPhone.  And just like clockwork, within seconds of me positioning myself in front of him, an obese man who was exiting the aircraft knocked me over onto the ground.  As I fell to the ground, nearly having the wind knocked out of me, my target man immediately jumped out of his seat to assist me.

“Are you okay?”  My target man asked looking as though he was trying not to laugh.

“Yes.  I am fine.”  I said, wanting to feel embarrassed but instead feeling extremely pleased with myself that my plan was working so well.

“Well that guy certainly knocked you down hard!”  He said.

“He sure did.”  I said.  “But I’m sure I’ll survive the blow.”  I then walked back to my seat in the airport feeling both optimistic and proud of my bold effort to get noticed.

As you can see, Dean obviously put her life at risk by getting in the path of a very large man.  (Note: Dean does not recommend this strategy for all girls.  This act is only recommended for girls who are experienced daters.  As you know, Dean is a non-certified dating advice expert.  Her unparalleled dating skills enable her to perform impressive acts such as this.)

If you are not an experienced dater, have no fear.  There are equally good ways to get noticed in an airport that are not as risky as getting plowed down by a fat man.  You can always drop your book on the ground, talk loudly on your cell phone, or simply ask your target man to watch your bags for you as you step away to stare at him from another part of the room.  Remember, if you are not a dating expert, use the flirting techniques that you feel most comfortable with.

Boarding the Aircraft

Now it’s time to board your flight.  In this phase, it is crucial that you board the plane before your target man does.  Boarding before him allows for you to watch your target man while he boards the flight which ultimately buys you time.   There are a number of things that you can do to make your presence known to him once he arrives on the plane.  You can offer to help him with his luggage, simply smile at him as he passes you by, or put your foot in the aisle as he is walking by and gently trip him.  All of these tips are great ways to initiate a conversation between you and your target man.

Last week, I made sure to board the flight before my dark-haired target man.  My carry-on bag was already securely placed below the seat in front of me and my seatbelt was already fastened by the time my target man approached my row.

“Hey!  You’re the girl that got knocked over in the airport!” My target man said to me as he lifted his suitcase into the overhead bin above my seat.

“And you’re the guy who saw me get knocked over!”  I said.  Feeling quite proud that my plan had been so effective.

He laughed as he took the seat next to me.  And I knew right away that the friendly skies were about to get a whole lot more friendly…

Cleared for Take Off

Now it’s time for the plane to take off.  And by this time you should have already had at least one conversation with your target man (if not more).  A great way to keep the conversation going strong is to immediately pull out the “Sky Mall Magazine” (which is located in the seat pocket in front of you).  Before the plane even begins to lift off the ground, start to casually skim through the pages of the magazine.  Dean guarantees that he will most definitely take notice, especially when you land on a page with interesting electronics!  (Note:  All boys love technology and gadgets.)  In no time, you’ll soon see that the two of you will begin flipping through the pages of the magazine together, joking back and forth about the items that you would buy for one another.  This is a sure way to keep the relationship going strong before the plane ever reaches its cruising altitude.

You Are Now Free to Roam About the Cabin

The seatbelt sign has been turned off and you are now free to roam about the cabin.  But at this point, why would you want to?  Do you really want to get up and “roam” while your perfect match is seated next to you?  I think not!  You’ve already discussed meeting his parents, attending a destination wedding with him as his date, and buying for him that awesome giraffe toilet paper holder from Sky Mall Magazine.  So what’s next?

Beverages are served, of course!  When the flight attendant comes around to take your order, make sure that your target man orders his beverage first.  Then, repeat what he says VERBATIM.  This will make him believe that you both have so much in common.  (Note: Boys like to believe in fate.  And the mere fact that both you and him share the same taste in drinks, will solidify once and for all his budding feelings toward you.)  Even if he orders a drink that you don’t like (such as tomato juice on the rocks) make sure to still order what he’s having.

Prepare for Landing

The plane is beginning to descend toward its final destination and you’ve just downed a disgusting drink.  Although you desperately want to reach for that barf bag (which is also located in the seat pocket in front of you), don’t do it.  (Note: Boys don’t like girls who puke on planes.)  Instead, reach for your purse and pull out your business card.  You want to make sure to properly exchange your contact information before the plane touches down on the tarmac.  If you haven’t done so already, now is the time to find out where he works, if he’s on Facebook, and most importantly how’s he plans to get home from the airport.  Keep in mind that exiting the aircraft can sometimes be chaotic (as items may have shifted during flight).  Exchanging your contact information while still in flight ensures that your information will not get lost in all of the chaos.

Exiting the Aircraft

There are four exits on your aircraft; two in the front and two in the rear.  Make sure that you exit the aircraft out of the same door that your target man has exited, as you do not want to get separated from your new love interest before you’ve had a chance to properly say your good-byes.

Baggage Claim

As you walk toward the baggage claim together (hopefully hand-in-hand) mentally prepare yourself for your good-bye with your target man.  If there was something that you wanted to say to him while you were in-flight but never got a chance to say, say it now!  This is your final time to make a lasting impression on him.

Last week, I hugged my target man/now plane partner good-bye and told him to watch out in the mail for that giraffe toilet paper holder that I would be sending him. And he told me that he couldn’t wait to fly with me to Australia.

This was clearly a match made in….the friendly skies.

As I drove home from the airport that night I couldn’t help but to think that I not only earned my wings on that flight but I also scored myself a boyfriend.  And living the high life is something that Dean recommends to all single women.

So next time you board a plane, make sure that you are well-prepared.  Print your boarding pass before you get to the airport, don’t take any liquids onto the plane that are more than 3-ounces, and most-importantly, when you spot your target man in the airport, remember to keep your head above the clouds.

Dean Got Dumped…On Her Birthday

09 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by in Dating Stories

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I know.  I know.  It’s been way too long since I’ve written!  While I would love to tell you that I have been traveling the world and doing all sorts of exciting things with my life, the real truth is that I haven’t written in a while because I have been happily dating an English boy (with a sexy accent and fake lisp) by the name of John Thomas.  It’s hard to come up with good material when you are in a somewhat healthy relationship.  (Note: John Thomas is not this boy’s real name but rather a carefully selected name that I have chosen for him in order to help conceal his true identity.  Since he is from England, I wanted to find a name for him that was from his own birth country.  In England, the term “John Thomas” is slang for the word “willy”.  Similar to how in America, we use the term, “Dick”.)

John Thomas and I went on so many great dates with each other.  We met on an online dating site about three months ago and from the very beginning, he just seemed so…normal.  According to his online profile, he was a relationship type of guy who was looking to get married someday.  He had a great smile, was super fun to hang out with, and spoke to me with a lisp.  (As we all know, Dean loves a man who talks with a lisp.)  Also, John Thomas did not have a wife (or at least one that I knew of).  He wasn’t a recovering alcoholic.  And from what I could tell, he did not seem to suffer from any type of depression.  When I met him for the first time, I really felt as though I had hit the jackpot with this one.  Although my bar is admittedly low when it comes to men, John Thomas seemed like such a great catch.

But over time, I started to sense that something wasn’t quite right with John Thomas.  He began communicating with me less and less and our dates were becoming a lot less frequent than they used to be.  I knew for certain that something was wrong when he stopped returning my text messages all together.

As you can imagine, I didn’t like not hearing from my English boyfriend with the fake lisp, so I did what any normal girl would do in my shoes, and started responding to my own text messages on his behalf.  This was a drastic measure that I felt I needed to take into my own hands.  I would always put “his” responses in quotes and made sure to sign each text message with his initials “JT” at the end.  This ensured that we both knew who was texting when.

Example of How Dean Replied to Her Own Text Messages

Dean:  Hi John Thomas!  How about grabbing dinner one night this week?

John Thomas:

(HOURS PASS.  SOMETIMES DAYS.  NO RESPONSE.)

Dean:  “Sure, Dean!  I would love to grab dinner with you!  How about Tuesday night?  I should be getting off of work early and I would love nothing more but to take you out for a hot night on the town.  I miss your face.”  JT

Dean:  I miss your face too.  Can’t wait to see you on Tuesday!

John Thomas: C U Next Tuesday!

Okay.  I know what you’re probably thinking right now.  You’re thinking, “how is it possible that Dean missed all the red flags with this guy?  Isn’t she a dating advice expert?”  Trust me.  I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes.  Over the last couple of weeks, I knew in my heart that John Thomas was just not that into me anymore.  And like any girl who likes a boy who doesn’t like her, I straight out asked him what was going on with him.   On both occasions that I asked him, he insisted that he was very much into me.  In fact, he even went as far as to say that he really enjoyed spending time with me.  He supposedly had fun with me.  The only logical thing for me to do in this situation was to continue to date him…and to continue to send myself text messages from him every so often. I did what I needed to do.

Well as it turns out, John Thomas had some sort of amazing revelation last week.  He discovered that he wasn’t so into me after all.  And on the night of my birthday, after taking me out for a romantic, candlelight dinner, he decided to put an end to our relationship.  Prior to his big announcement though, he made sure to kiss me several times at dinner and to hold my hand throughout the evening.  Who knew that John Thomas was so into surprise birthday celebrations?!?!?!

I was having such a great time with John Thomas during our last supper together.  When we arrived at my apartment after our romantic dinner, John Thomas took a seat on my sofa and announced out of the blue that he was not interested in having any sort of relationship with me anymore.  He explained that it wasn’t me.  He just wasn’t interested in dating anyone at the moment.  (I must say that as a dating advice expert, it is a strange comment to hear coming from a guy who I met on an online dating site.  Perhaps John Thomas is not familiar with the rules of online dating.  The purpose of these sites is to meet people with the intention of wanting to date them.)

Before John Thomas walked out of my apartment for what would be the very last time, he asked me if I had anything that I wanted to say.  In that brief moment, there was SO much that I wanted to ask him but I simply couldn’t find the words or muster up the courage to say any of it.  For starters, I just wanted to ask him why?  None of this made any sense to me.  Was it the lighting in my apartment?  Did the dress that I was wearing make me look fat?  Or was it because my hair had become so frizzy from our walk home in the fog?  I wanted to know all of these things so badly.  But most of all, I wanted to know where my gift was.  I mean, shouldn’t he have at least gotten me a little something?  After all, it was my birthday.  Maybe in England, dumping a girl on her birthday is a kind gesture?  I guess I’ll never really know.

I started to cry within seconds of John Thomas leaving my apartment.  I can’t remember ever crying as hard as I did that night since the final airing of the Oprah Winfrey Show.  I was just so sad and so hurt by his actions.  I couldn’t understand how this could possibly be happening to me…and worst of all on my birthday.  It never once occurred to me that John Thomas was an actual “Birthday Dumper”.  Had I seen any of this coming, I would have spent my evening with friends, celebrating, and certainly not sobbing alone in my apartment.  It was a very sad night for Dean.

To this day, I’ll never know why exactly John Thomas decided to call it quits with me on my birthday.  Now I’ll always be left to wonder if there was something that I could have done differently that would have prevented any of this from happening.  Had I only adjusted the lighting in my apartment, or worn a pair of Spanx that night, or gotten that Brazilian Blowout treatment for my hair, perhaps I’d still be going on really fun dates with John Thomas today.  Who knows?

All that I do know is that some girls get flowers or chocolate or teddy bears or cool gadgets for their birthdays.  But not me.  Dean got the, “it’s not you, it’s me” speech.   And more than anything, I just wish that I could walk into some fancy retailer and exchange it for something a whole lot better.  But John Thomas didn’t leave me with a gift receipt.

He just left me.

And so as the saying goes, “if he seems too good to be true—he probably is”.

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